God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
