I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
