Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
she pinky promised me she was 18
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
