Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
