if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
