I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
