you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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