I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
