He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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