Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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