this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
try to milk me bitch
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