she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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