worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Randomize
