The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
