Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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