It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize