Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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