You made me cry and you don't even care
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
