Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You made out with two different species that night
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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