i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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