# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
