I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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