He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
