I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
