Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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