My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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