forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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