dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
