we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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