So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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