was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
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