I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize