Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
