Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize