And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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