If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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