I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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