he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize