Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
