So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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