Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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