if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
well you can't waste a boner
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Randomize