So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
