I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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