I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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