Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
