12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
