At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
