We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
