i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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