I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
