the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
