I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
