If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
