Im at strip club and am horny
I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
