I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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