I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
