I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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