ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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