dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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