How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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