There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize