dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Randomize
