you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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