why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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