You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
