That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
