Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
