Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
